Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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