dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
