doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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