walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
