We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
