Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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