The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
