it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
