it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
