it was like eating out sand paper
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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