so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
