can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
