I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize