u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
