the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
