yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
