He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
