its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
