No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize