splinters make it hard to masturbate
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
