I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
