omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's the barista slut.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
