I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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