We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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