oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
