we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
