I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize