I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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