that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
