the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
