why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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