Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
time to smoke my breakfast
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
