Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
