speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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