Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
