I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
