Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
