Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize