Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
