if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
