gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
