so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
