a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
