and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
