Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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