Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
