I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
