dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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