I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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