Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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