Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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