based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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