i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
