this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
