I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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