She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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