i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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