I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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