my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
