he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
