I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
