Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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