Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
