textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
