We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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