I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
