I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
