I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
