I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
