You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize