The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
