i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
