lets start a swedish sibling band together
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
