Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
